You and your preteen
During their preteen years, boys and girls go through so many changes,
both physical and emotional, that growth seems to disorganize them
rather than improve them. The preteen period is one in which children
grow “away from” more than they grow “into.” They lose most of the
characteristics with which you were familiar when they were children.
Yet they neither look nor act as they will when they are teen-agers.
Perhaps no other period of childhood development offers so many chances
for parents to lose their tempers or become alarmed, sensitive, or
indignant. But parents should try to figure out the best approach to
each problem as it arises and to separate their own emotional attitudes
from the problem. They should try to be the voice of authority without
becoming authoritarians.
Some parents cowect their child continuously and in the child’s weakest
moments. They give a moralistic speech each time their preteen daughter
is five minutes late for dinner. They tell their preteen son that he
will never amount to anything because he shows such irresponsible
behavior at school.
Paying so much attention to surface behavior is unwise. If you feel
there is an issue in which you should interfere, plan your strategy
wisely. Do not start a campaign of daily scolding and nagging. Let the
misbehavior crystallize itself into definite incidents that can be well
demonstrated and interpreted. Accompany this interpretation with a happy
and secure personal relationship, and follow it up with a period of
special interest in and companionship with your
child. You may win more of your child’s trust and cooperation in the end
if you do not insist on coming out on top in each little situation along
the way.
Remember, few children show all the problems of the preteen period, and
few of them go through all the difficulties at the same time. Life with
your child from 8 to 13 should be fun. The basic test is not whether you
have problems with your preteen, but whether you can enjoy your preteen
child in spite of whatever problems may arise, and help your rapidly
maturing youngster through a period that is as difficult for the child
as it is for parents.
Keep lines of communication open between you and your changing
preteen.
