Common concerns
When preteens are about 8 or 9 years old, they are no special worry.
Sure, they are noisy, forgetful, and restless; but they are also frank,
loyal, and friendly.
Then, around 10 or 11, the problems start. Body image and personal
appearance become matters of concern for many preteens. Some boys become
sensitive about being shorter than girls their own age. And, just as
often, those girls who have hit their spurt in height early may feel
embarrassed about being taller than their classmates and walk hunched
over to appear shorter.
Both boys and girls may take pride in looking sloppy. Sweat shirts,
oversize shirts with the tails hanging out, and bleached-out jeans may
be just the thing. Hair may be very long or very short. Corners of
bedrooms accumulate dirty clothes daily.
Do not be dismayed. This is a stage preteens outgrow. Just keep the
lines of communication between you and the child open. And do not nag.
Problems such as acne, overweight, and underweight arise. (See separate
articles on each of these subjects in the Medical Guide.) The whole
movement away from the influence of family, and toward that of friends,
increases. Everything, it seems, is a “special problem.” One potential
problem deserves extra attention.
Preteens want to know more about sex than they did previously. And it is
important that they know as much as the other members of their group.
Children who are much less informed than their playmates run the risk of
being ridiculed. They may be
come afraid to say anything when sex is mentioned. Or they may
exaggerate the importance of sex knowledge they do not possess to such a
degree that the whole matter is unduly emphasized.
Preteens should already know the basic facts about where babies come
from. Now they start to ask for more specific facts concerning human
reproduction. This is not wrong. Ideally, children should feel free to
go to their parents first for this kind of information. Answer the
questions accurately. Do not talk about sex in general terms. Do not
give vague ideas about how babies begin and where they grow.
Talk about your child’s body, how it functions, and what is going to
happen to it in the next few years. This is important even though the
developments may actually be a year or so off. It is important that the
child be prepared emotionally for what is happening and is going to
happen before entering adolescence, so that fear, anxiety, or abnormal
curiosity can be resolved.
It is especially important that children be put at ease about new body
sensations and observations of growth in their own body organs. Preteen
girls should know about menstruation long before it occurs. Boys, also,
should know something about this process. (For information on how to
explain this process, see [Menstruation] in the Medical
Guide.)
One subject womes parents needlessly— masturbation. Most developing
boys and girls masturbate. Do not be concerned about it. Masturbation is
entirely normal.
