Organized groups and school
Most preteens want to be as far away from the family as possible. It may
mean only the basement—where somehow family rules and regulations do
not apply so strongly. Or it may be a tree house, a shack, or even
wandering the neighborhood.
Organized groups
Many preteens join organized group activities—the Boy Scouts, the Girl
Scouts, the Camp Fire Girls, church groups, camping gi’oups, cycling
groups. These groups give preteens a chance to satisfy two of their
great needs—being out of the house and doing something. Because of
these two needs, you should take care when looking at preteen clubs or
organizations. No organization should use as bait the child’s yearning
to belong to a group, while hiding actual motives. Some organizations
use the time simply to stress table manners, obedience, fingernail
cleanup, language mouthwash, and such other things as lofty ideals of
character and education.
This does not, of course, mean that these characteristics cannot be part
of the preteen curriculum. But the main thing is that pre- teens need a
place where they can be what they are—rambunctious, out of step with
what you may think is best for them—free to express the feelings and
the thoughts of being a preteen.
Outside the home, the preteen is on the way to becoming his or her own
person. See that any organization your child joins is flexible enough to
make room for preteen devel
opment. Be sure that the atmosphere a pre- teen needs to grow in does
not get lost among more marketable demands.
The preteen and school
Teachers find that many students who have been models for getting things
done on time suddenly become fidgety and unreliable when they become
preteens. This is a passing thing, and teachers usually allow for it.
But what are parents to do when their pre- teen seems to lose interest
in school, neglects homework, and receives grades that are lower than
what they know is possible?
Attitude toward school
Most preteens gripe about school. “This teacher hates me.” “They give us
too much homework.” Griping about school is common among preteens and
usually can be ignored. It is much like the eternal griping about
boarding school food or being in the army.
But be careful not to add to your child’s seeming negativeness. What you
say about schools in general may easily affect the child’s attitude
toward school. Preteens are always ready for an argument to hide behind,
something that will get them “off the hook.” If you criticize
collectively the schools and the educational system of your
neighborhood, your preteen may find it easy to develop a stereotyped
concept of school.
Homework
Preteens generally consider homework an undesirable thing.
Unfortunately, many
Group activities are important because they give preteens a chance to
be out of their homes and doing something—both basic needs of the
preteen.
adults figure that things that are undesirable but necessary should be
done first, before pleasurable activities are pursued. They consider the
pleasurable activity to be something to look forward to. For this
reason, parents often say, “Complete your homework first; then go
skating.” The trouble with this reasoning is that preteens seldom study
hard when they are thinking of somebody else already skating. A better
plan might be to suggest that your preteen do 20 minutes of homework
first, go skating for 45 minutes, and then come back home to finish.
This allows for the child’s short attention span by breaking up the work
into two periods. It also reduces the number of unavoidable
confrontations between parent and child
Be sure that homework gets done, but be flexible enough to make
allowances for preteen behavior that affects the way in which it gets
done.
Report cards
Most parents worry when their children bring home grades that are lower
than the children’s normal abilities indicate they should be. Low marks
usually call for more supervision to ensure that homework is being done
and that the children are properly motivated.
Children who have persistent problems in school may need tutoring.
Tutors can give children the individual attention they need to stick to
schoolwork. Good tutors can interest children in subjects which have
previously bored them.
Your child’s teacher can help you decide if a tutor is needed, and for
how long. The time will vary according to your child’s needs. The
important thing to remember is that using a tutor when your child is a
preteen may help set up better study habits for the important adolescent
years.
